One of the scariest moments in any gay man’s
life is going in to get an HIV test. It can be motivated by a questionable sexual encounter, or part of a regular 6 month testing regimen, or it can even be going along to support a friend who is getting tested.
But then results come back positive and your brain goes into overdrive. Now what?
The first thing is to slow down. You will have lots of thoughts and questions about the future, medical needs, telling people or not, and wondering how and why did this happen to me. These high levels of anxiety are normal at this moment. Feelings of fear, shock, panic, horror, shame, blame, hopelessness, anger, and disgust can go swirling through your mind. This whirlwind energy does not put us in the best position to make wise and rational decisions. So, once again, slow down.
As you start to get your bearings again, it may be advantageous to find a trusted friend or a therapist who specializes in LGBT issues including HIV. This person can become the reasonable caring voice that will help you through this challenging time. This individual doesn’t need to provide all the answers but it is important for you to know that you have a safety net where all of your fears can be spoken out loud and you can access an objective perspective to help direct you toward rational and healthy choices.
Next, you will want to connect with a medical doctor who specializes in HIV care who can become your primary physician. Ask lots of questions and know that no question is too stupid or too small. You need information to assist you in focusing on your best health care. Make sure that your doctor takes the time to answer your questions and that you have a comfortable working relationship so that you can honestly and openly address the sensitive issues you’ll face as you explore treatment. If you are not satisfied with your doctor, you can choose to find a different one who is more informed and sympathetic to your needs. Remember you always have the choice.
Online resources can also help, such as TheBody.com, one of the best and most complete sources of HIV/AIDS information from people in the forefront of the battle against this disease. The Center for Disease Control and the Mayo Clinic are also excellent resources for factual information. There are many other sites on the web but you need to be careful sorting out which information is based on scientific studies and which are more rumor and baseless health fads.
Finally, make sure that you continue getting emotional support with a therapist who specializes in LGBT issues. This is not a time to go it alone. The assistance of a good therapist can ease your anxiety and also help you through the many challenges that arise when facing this disease. Many local Gay and Lesbian Community Centers provide information and support along with an organization called The Life Group LA, which provides support groups and empowerment weekends for those infected and affected by HIV/AIDS.
Use your resources wisely and know that there is an abundance of support out there to help you on this journey. As you begin to make sense of this experience and find personal meaning, the path will begin to unfold as you learn to live with HIV.
